Creature

Creature ... a bad, bad movie.

Soon as it started, it was predictable. On a mission to Titan, some aliens are discovered in what looks like escape pods. There is only skeletal remains ... or ... yup ... one of them may actually be alive. Next thing we know, everybody dies. So, a crew is sent to find out what was discovered, claim it and return samples home. (How they knew something was discovered from the first ill-fated mission is movie magic.) The crew that is sent to Titan is from one of two competing companies racing to Titan to find whatever it is and bring it back -- one German, the other US.

Corny lines started the mission ...

Girl: "There's something about this trip. It's creepy."
Boy: "It's fear of the unknown, it's natural."
Girl: "No. I'm not coming back. Make love to me."

With that, you just know she deserves the death coming. Especially when the camera stays too long on her, and she finds ... the dead bodies ... and the creepy alien ... and then people start to die ... and come back as zombies for the rest of them who're still alive.

Does it all sound familiar? That's because it's a bad Alien knock-off, where you follow around some really loud people that are supposed to be sneaking around ... and they ask really dumb questions ... and find alien eggs. And live aliens. There's also a creepy security officer that doesn't smile, doesn't talk, dresses in black leather and loves violence. The, other company is German ... and their crew too are picked off by the creature that lurks in the shadow. The lone survivor is a horny German who seems to find all the death, space aliens and the predicament of the US crew, amusing. I think the German is more of an alien than the creature picking them off.

Lessons this movie teaches:

When your dead girlfriend comes back to life, don't go chasing after her. She does want you to join her. You're going to be dead soon. When she appears naked on the lunar surface, it's because the aliens got her.

When people start dying, don't split up. It makes it easy for the "creature" to pick you all off one at a time.

People who get sent on ill-fated space missions are usually idiots. Required training should be several hours worth of horror movies.

Listen to the music playing in the background -- it will warn you when the bad guys are coming.

Any special effects, even bad special effects, will kill aliens -- or guys dressed in bad rubber costumes, stumbling around, trying to look like aliens.

Just when you think it's over, it's probably not. And the next thing you know, you'll be hanging upside down, ready to be a tasty morsel for the creature.

Ladies -- you do all the work, take all the risks, and when it's time to get some help, the guys will always think of themselves first.

Screaming louder into the radio won't make it work all of a sudden.

Turn around, it's right behind you!